Please don't kill me or take offense if something in here is like in one of your fics. Remember, offense is never given, only taken. (Translation: I can say whatever I like, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *cough, choke*)
Yes, I look like that, minus the flawless/gorgeous parts. ^_^.
Take me not seriously. This is utter trash. But see how many things you can pick up as being in a lot of fics. ^_^.
Deja vu
by Leto
The story begins with Ash and Misty fighting.
"You idiot, Ash, we're lost and it's all your fault!"
"My fault? At least I can read a map!"
"Guys, guys," says Brock, ever the peacemaker, "let me read the map. Apparently we're near the power plant by Lavender Town."
"We're SUPPOSED to be near Victory Road," snapped Misty. "You can't get much further from Victory Road than where we are now."
"Oh, shut up Misty! You think you're so good all the time!"
"Prepare for trouble!"
"Make it double!"
"Oh crap, not again..." groaned Brock.
"Don't interrupt the motto!" snapped Jessie and James.
Team Rocket gave their motto, much to Brock's dismay. Ash and Misty, however, the second the speech was over, picked up right from where they left off before Team Rocket appeared.
"Give us Pikachu!"
"Misty, you've got a worse sense of direction than me!"
"Thus speaks the person who lead us in totally the wrong direction!"
"That wasn't my fault!"
"Oh, who's fault was it?"
"It was yours for distracting me while I was trying to read the map!"
"Ohhh, you are so annoying Ash Ketchum!"
The two glared at each other with much hostility. They looked into each other's eyes. Their annoyed countenances crumbled.
"I don't care if I'm only ten years old and am not mature enough to be into girls yet! I love you Misty!"
"Oh, Ash! I've been longing to hear you say that forever! My romantic ideals crumble down in an instant! I love you too, Ash!"
The two grab each other and start pashing madly.
"Aren't they underage?" asks James, with some concern, as he sees Misty slip off her suspenders.
"Shh! James, don't mention reality!"
James nods and Jessie leads him away. They don't really want to see what's going to happen next.
Leto walks into the scene. She's absolutely gorgeous, size 8 figure, sparkling green eyes, flawless brown hair and a face that would put Gary's cheerleaders to shame. An Ekans is draped around her neck.
"I've got a lot of Pokemon!" she boasts. "And they're all at L100! I caught Mew! I am the genius Pokemon trainer and all my Pokemon love me! I have a Pokemon travelling outside a Pokeball too, as do 95% of new trainers in fanfics! And, I'm absolutely perfect, as 95% of new trainers in fanfics are!"
The only one listening is Brock.
"I'm a Pokemon breeder too, Brock. But I'm a lot better than you. In fact, I'm better than everyone in the Pokemon universe because I am the author. So a self insertion is not quite complete without portraying oneself in a flawless light!"
Brock starts drooling. "You're cute! You can be my girlfriend!"
"Oh yes! You need a girlfriend!"
Leto and Brock start pashing too.
While the groups are making out, Team Rocket make their reappearance.
"You won't get away this time!" says James, getting carried away.
"Uhh, they never got away in the first place," mutters Meowth.
Leto stands up.
"Ha! You'll never defeat me!"
"We'll see about that!"
"See nothing! Action is what's needed!"
"You talk big, but you can't stand up to the might of Team Rocket!"
The characters exchange over-used, tired, meaningless phrases for a few minutes, before pulling out their Pokeballs.
"Arbok, go!"
"Go, Weezing!"
The two Pokemon materialise.
"Haha! Piece of cake! Go, Pikablu!"
Ash looks blankly at the water mouse. "What's that?"
He flips Dexter open. "Pikablu - there is no data. This Pokemon is called MARIRU."
"Ohh," says Ash, as if enlightened.
"Pikablu, ice beam!"
"Pika!"
Pikachu looks at its clone and spits sparks.
Mariru's eyes glow before it blows a brilliant white beam of ice.
Arbok and Weezing are both frozen, and Team Rocket is beaten completely effortlessly as usual. Jessie, James and Meowth run away, scared.
"Wow, Leto, you were great!" says Ash. "Join our team, why don't you?"
"Of course I will!" she says happily. "Anything to get the author more screen time!"
"You're the author?" asks Misty.
"Sure, only my self-insertion is a little more blatant than that of most fanfic authors."
"For example, most don't use their real nicknames," says Ash.
The Ekans around Leto's neck grins and says "Well, Leto has no discretion."
"Ah, that Ekans talked!" squawks Misty.
"Of course," says Leto in a voice of utmost scorn, "it is my companion Pokemon and outside of its Pokeball, thus it must talk."
"Oh, of course," agrees Misty. "Sorry, I forgot."
Leto pulls out a thick book and consults it. "Okay, let's see... as an self-inserted character, I've done most of what's expected of me... oh hang on, I haven't caught every Pokemon that crosses my path yet."
"You're a disgrace," scolds Brock. "But such a cute one."
The two start pashing again.
"Will you two cut that out?!" snaps Ash.
"Go back to Misty," snaps Leto.
"Mew!"
"What do you mean NO? Don't argue!"
"I didn't say anything."
"Mew!"
"What IS that?"
Mewtwo suddenly comes running out of nowhere and stands looking at Ash-tachi.
"I'm going to capture it!" Ash declares.
"No you're not," Leto says, "you're going to have a long and confusing mental struggle against it before it decides to go with you willingly."
"Works for me," shrugs Ash, and then goes into a coma.
"He won't be back for a while. First he has to battle death and confront his innermost thoughts and fears before the Mewtwo has respect for him."
Brock and Misty look at her with respect. "How do you know all this?"
Leto snorts. "I'm pulling it all outta my a**, what do you think?"
Misty and Brock facefault.
"Prepare for trouble!"
"Make it double!"
"Not again..." groans Brock.
"To look fantastic in every setting!"
"To prepare the masses for our wedding!"
"To walk up the aisle and say 'I do'!"
"To enjoy a fantastic honeymoon too!"
Brock and Misty stick out their tongues in digust at this, especially at the look on James' face.
"Jessie!"
"James!"
"Team Rocket, blasting off in more ways than one!"
"I'm sure it's going to be a lot of fun!"
"Meowth, we're done!"
Everyone facefaults again.
"So you guys have finally realised you're in love?" asks Brock.
"Oh yes," says Jessie, putting her arm around James.
"Sugar, I love you so much."
"I live for our wedding day."
"I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
"You are the only one for me."
"I think I'm going to throw up," says Brock, and then proceeds to do so.
"Where is this fic heading?" snaps James. "I want to go home with Jessie."
"Let's not even *think* about that," mutters Misty.
"Errr... you know, I can't think of anything else to write."
A huge storm appears and a lightning bolt zaps Earth. Everything explodes.
A very climatic ending to the story. Pun not totally intended.
The end.